Cancun? That was so 2005. If you’re looking for a spring break location loaded with interesting people to meet, all expenses paid meals and drinks, and endless activity options, we have just the place for you. Perhaps you’re more of the introspective and cozy up with a good book type? Maybe you just want to get away from your phone for a while. Look no further than a jail in the city of your choice!
Disney World is Your Only Sanctuary
The fastest way to get there and get down in an orange jumpsuit affair is through Florida. Recent history shows statistical data that almost every major city in Florida has the highest crime and arrest rates than anywhere else in the US during the last 2 weeks of March, and absolutely more than say, Cancun. So if everywhere else is booked and Florida is a must: pack that pink Kevlar 2 piece that you’ve been Instagramming all week.
Other fantastic crime-party cities include New Orleans, Las Vegas, and any city featuring a beach or lake. These places are seedy on the regular – I wouldn’t want anything to do with them during national kegger week.
All Access Passes
Here are the most popular jail-bound recreations:
Driving while under the influence. This is absolutely 100% avoidable and unacceptable. We all have devices on us at all times that have a one tap feature to call a taxi, Uber, or Lyft! You spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how you can fashion a flask out of some duct tape and an empty stick of deodorant, you can take 1 minute to set up the apps. Heck, even we here at ACME have a one button panic app (Android, iOS)!
Domestic violence. Taking the “just relax” approach still works with the mantra “never stop raging.” Party hard and when (not if) someone spills their brew on your going out micro print button up, just relax! It’s all about having a good time so save the fight club attitude for when you get back to your desk at work.
Do-It-Yourself Horror Movie Intro
On the flip side, mugging, heinous sex crimes, and murder rates spike up in these cities. Prevent yourself and your friends from being either criminals or victims. You know the methods – plan and put them into effect.
Party on Wayne.